first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what day is it and did you see me today?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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