My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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