Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
