wanna go halves on a baby?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize