Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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