He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
