With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My vagina just clenched in fear
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
