Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
