Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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