I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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