K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
