By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
