fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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