u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
