i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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