Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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