Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My dick has a subreddit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
