I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
