At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
