what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
