I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
