So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
