dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
