I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
