Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Randomize