He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
