Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
