My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
