Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
