someone owes me an orgasm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
