she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
