I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
