thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk is not a location!
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