After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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