have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
