3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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