don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize