My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
