I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
