so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
