I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
