I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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