Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
