Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
