Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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