If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What a dumb baby whore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
