the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
