Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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