Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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