Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
