It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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