he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's blow job season.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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