If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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