Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize