Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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