I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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