Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
