listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
