Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
