I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
