I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
