please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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