I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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