Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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