Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
