Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
