I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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