My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
