I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
