Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
