I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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